Success and the Honor trap

At the end of one’s life, no one says, “I wish I had spent more time at the office.” You’ll never read in an obituary, “The deceased made over $150,000 a year, drove a Porsche and wore Armani suits. He was quite a guy.”

So why do so many people spend their lives pursing financial success while neglecting things they know are worth so much more than money?

No amount of money can outweigh love. Would you be willing to give up one of your children for twenty-five million dollars?  What if your child would receive the best of everything but you would never see or hear from him again? If “money can’t buy you love,” why do so many people neglect their closest relationships while attaining financial success? The reason is that they are after something which they consider even greater than love: the need for self-respect.  Everyone needs to be able to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say, “Yes, I am a somebody!”  As president of your own company, with a beautiful family, house and BMW in tow, you can tell yourself, “I’ve finally made it.”  For many, achieving financial success and fame is what gives them the feeling that their life has value.

Success may be the fool’s gold of self-esteem.

Tap your finger on the table for a few seconds.  No big deal, right?  Now imagine standing center state in Madison Square Garden.  The place is packed.  Tens of thousands have paid to watch you - the world’s greatest finger-tapper!  As you start tapping, your fans go wild, erupting in thunderous applause and then rising to give you a standing ovation!

How would you feel?

When eighty thousand people are cheering and saying you’re the greatest, it’s easy to start imagining a meaningless activity like finger-tapping is something that counts.  After all, everyone else says it’s important. Don’t confuse looking good with being good.  Just because the world admires someone for putting a ball through a metal hoop doesn’t mean that he is performing a truly meaningful act. 

If it’s an external source that gives you self-esteem, you can be sure it’s counterfeit.  Trying to live up to society’s standards is one of the most powerful contributors to a false sense of self-worth.  And the standard most worshiped by Western society today is financial success.

Certainly you can use money or stardom to do many truly admirable things.  But success in and of itself doesn’t make you good.  Genuine self-respect is completely independent of what anyone thinks of you.  Only by embodying real values and striving for moral perfection do we truly become elevated and worthy of respect.

It’s tempting to settle for the illusory feeling of self-worth social approval provides and to fall into the honor trap.  It bypasses the incredible hard work of living up to moral standards while allowing you the false sense of feeling good about yourself no matter what kind of person you really are.  But in the end you become like an imposter, hollow inside. There’s nothing wrong with striving for fame and financial success.  But don’t mistake it for true inner worth.  Integrity, values and moral courage are the things that give us real weight.  There are no shortcuts to genuine self-respect.