You Don’t Need Someone Else’s Approval:
There are times when people’s comments will seem like a put down because you’re really seeking their wholehearted approval. They could even say something like, “This is wonderful work you’ve done but could you fix the last paragraph to be stronger?” Then because you're desperate for their approval, you don’t hear the good part, you only hear what you perceive to be a criticism in that they don’t like one section. If you don’t take it as a put put down then you’ll be more open to taking the comment as an opportunity to improve yourself and your work.
A Quick Way To Build Your Self Esteem - Stop Needing Approval
Are they Confirming your Story?
In some situations, you may be interpreting someone’s comments as a put down when none was intended. This could be because that’s what you’re expecting or because you’ve got an internal story happening and you see what you want to believe.
Here’s example, if someone gives you a gift, and you truly believe that this person is only out to hurt you, you'll think something like, “sure, he’s just trying to get on my good side” or you’ll see it as insulting. When really the reality might be that they’re trying to show you how much they do care about you. So, ask yourself if you’re really hearing and seeing the situation just as it is, (nothing has any meaning until you give it meaning) or have you added your own story?
What's Your Life Story? Do You Need To Let It Go?
Are They Mirroring Your Beliefs?
Along with the point above is that if you feel deep inside that you’re unlovable, then people will treat you that way. If you feel you only deserve put downs and sarcasm, that is how people will treat you. So, if you discover that there’s a pattern with your relationships with other people, it may be time to ask yourself, what are your inner beliefs?
Mirroring - A Key to understanding Yourself
Mirroring - A Key to understanding Yourself
Be Aware of the Subtle Put Downs
When you stop and pay attention to the messages you’re receiving every day, you’ll discover that you’re being subjected to more put downs than you probably thought. That’s because they’re everywhere. Everywhere you go, everywhere you look, everything you read, everything you see on TV, there are ads and different groups trying to tell you that you’re not good enough if you don’t have their latest product, or if you don’t look a certain way or if you don’t have a lot of material possessions or have a certain education. They subtly attack your self esteem and your self worth.
No one likes to be criticized and it’s tempting to be sucked into their way of thinking. That’s why in order to really have a healthy self esteem, you need to be able to withstand these constant negative messages about your value.
Summary for Dealing With People Who Put You Down
When dealing with people who put you down, remember:
- Don’t retaliate with your own put downs.
- The comments will tell you a lot about the person who’s making the comments. It’s their anger and frustration and they should deal with it, not you.
- Can you discover a gift within the comments? You might learn something valuable about yourself that needs to be healed or you might learn how you really feel about yourself.
- Are you reading something into the comments that aren’t really there because you’re expecting them or because you have certain beliefs?
- Be aware of the subtle messages (like advertising) that you hear every day which try to destroy your sense of value and self worth.
- Put downs are never pleasant to deal with but if you can use them to your advantage, then that’s the best solution of all.
Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit – Napoleon Hill
Source article by: Catherine Pratt - life with confidence