1. Make acceptance an immediate priority:
Dealing with a bad situation can be a lot like dealing with grief, and people often go through the same stages: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, and so on. You might not be able to fully squelch your emotions, but you can decide to accept what’s happened, regardless of how you feel about it. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can act from where you are, which is the only way to change how you feel.
“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take action. Take the action and your feelings will change.”
2. Remove fair from your vocabulary:
As kids, we’re all about fair. “He took my train—it’s not fair.” “You said you’d buy me a new bike—it’s not fair!” “I had that crayon first—it’s not fair.” You’d think we’d learn early on that life isn’t fair, but instead we cling to how we think things should be. Hard work should be rewarded. Kindness should be reciprocated. When things don’t work out that way, we feel angry at the world and bad for ourselves.
Feeling outraged about life’s injustices won’t change the fact that things are often random and beyond your control. When you start going on an unfair spiral, remind yourself, “It is what it is.” And then choose a reaction that aligns with the way you’d like the world to be.
3. Focus on the life lesson:
Pretend that everyone is enlightened but you — that everyone you meet is here to teach you something.
In this way, you’ll see someone who annoys or frustrates you as an opportunity to work on your patience. This same mindset can help improve the way you interpret and respond to events in your life. If you lost your job, perhaps the life lesson is to determine your true purpose. If your relationship falls apart, the life lesson may be to become more independent. Focusing on the lesson allows you to work on positive change, which will make you feel empowered instead of deflated.
4. Question whether it’s as big a problem as it seems:
We often turn minor upsets into huge catastrophes in our minds. Little in life is as horrible as it appears to be at first. Some things are challenging, like losing your job, your home, or worse, someone you love. But most situations can be solved.
Sometimes they’re even blessings in disguise. Barbara Rommer, M.D., interviewed 300 people who’d had near-death experiences. The majority of her subjects experienced spiritual awakenings, proving that what didn’t kill them only made them stronger.
Whatever you’re dealing with, is it really the end of the world? And more importantly, if you bounced back with an even better situation—a higher paying job or a more satisfying relationship—how impressed would you be with yourself?
5. Remember you can continue from this new place:
It’s easy to get attached to the road you’re on, especially if it makes you happy. When something or someone throws you off, you may feel disconnected from who you want to be or what you want to do in life.
It may help to remember a hurdle doesn’t have to obliterate your plans. Even if you lose your job, you can still pursue your professional goals, and maybe even more efficiently.
There is always more than one way to skin a cat. The sooner you focus on finding a new way, the sooner you’ll turn a bad thing good.
Author: Lori Deschene