First we are told stories of fairies and princesses. Some lose glass shoes, some get to sleep for a hundred years, some have to live with seven dwarfs – but they all get their prince and live happily ever after. When we grow up we are fed with modern day fairy tales via Hollywood movies: boy meets girl, they fall in love and their lives are magically transformed. The movie conveniently ends at the point where they start living together, so we never get to see the real challenges their relationship has to endure through real life’s ups and downs.
Even if we don’t believe life can be one big fairy tale – this type of thinking, hoping and expecting the perfect person to take away all our troubles – gets engraved somewhere in the back of our minds. And, ironically, this is where all our misery and false expectations about love and relationships actually begin.
When we think that the right partner can save us from life’s hardships, we put ourselves in a state of waiting for life to happen, not actually living it. We feel we can’t be happy on our own, or with someone we feel is not “the one”. We are constantly reminded – by our own thoughts, often perpetuated by people around us, that we are not complete, not “enough” – because we don’t have a partner.
Even if we don’t believe life can be one big fairy tale – this type of thinking, hoping and expecting the perfect person to take away all our troubles – gets engraved somewhere in the back of our minds. And, ironically, this is where all our misery and false expectations about love and relationships actually begin.
When we think that the right partner can save us from life’s hardships, we put ourselves in a state of waiting for life to happen, not actually living it. We feel we can’t be happy on our own, or with someone we feel is not “the one”. We are constantly reminded – by our own thoughts, often perpetuated by people around us, that we are not complete, not “enough” – because we don’t have a partner.
This thinking, not the fact you are single, is what’s destroying your happiness. You are not less of a person if you are single. You are not even less happy than people who have someone. Yes – you miss the connection, the companionship, the sharing of life’s beautiful moments and support in hard times, but guess what: so do many people who are in a couple, if their relationship is not filled with love and respect. And many aren’t – from the exact same reason: people in them expect the other to make all their troubles, fears and shortcomings go away. And nobody can do that for somebody else
The reality of life is that relationships can’t make you happy, fulfilled and satisfied on their own. They are not designed for that either. They are experiences that help us grow, explore ourselves and challenge us to overcome our fears of closeness, our capability for honesty, change and true human connection. They stretch our boundaries and question our old ways to make room for new and better life practices. They are often great teachers, and yes, they can give us great joy and fulfillment – but only if we have already learned how to give those same things to ourselves first.
Author and Credits: Petra Kreatschman