You’ve heard of the Little Engine That Could … well, our brains are the opposite. They’re the little engines that think they can’t.
And they are amazing at rationalizing why.
Just try giving up something that you rely on . At first, you might start to think, “This isn’t too bad … in fact, I’m kinda excited about it!”
But then, when things get a bit difficult, your mind tends to think things like, “This is too hard! I can’t do it! I want to give up!” And then you start to ask, “Why the hell am I doing this to myself? Life is too short to suffer so much.” Then you think, “Just once, one little time, won’t matter. No one will know. One exception won’t hurt anything. It’s the long run that matters.”
Except that one exception does hurt. It leads you to the same rationalization the next time (“One more time won’t hurt”) and then in your mind, you’re not quitting anymore.
And they are amazing at rationalizing why.
Just try giving up something that you rely on . At first, you might start to think, “This isn’t too bad … in fact, I’m kinda excited about it!”
But then, when things get a bit difficult, your mind tends to think things like, “This is too hard! I can’t do it! I want to give up!” And then you start to ask, “Why the hell am I doing this to myself? Life is too short to suffer so much.” Then you think, “Just once, one little time, won’t matter. No one will know. One exception won’t hurt anything. It’s the long run that matters.”
Except that one exception does hurt. It leads you to the same rationalization the next time (“One more time won’t hurt”) and then in your mind, you’re not quitting anymore.
Our minds get in our way.
So what can we do? Well, luckily this is entirely fixable. We just have to 1) examine our beliefs, and 2) change them.
Yes, our beliefs are changeable. Experience can prove better beliefs to be true too, if you’re willing to give them a try.
Let’s take some examples of beliefs that stand in our way:
So what can we do? Well, luckily this is entirely fixable. We just have to 1) examine our beliefs, and 2) change them.
Yes, our beliefs are changeable. Experience can prove better beliefs to be true too, if you’re willing to give them a try.
Let’s take some examples of beliefs that stand in our way:
- Old belief: I’m a smoker who is trying to quit but it’s hard. New belief: I don’t smoke. I’m a non-smoker. It’s who I am. (Change your self-identity.)
- Old belief: I can’t do it if it’s too hard. New belief: I’ve done hard things before. I can do this if it’s hard. In fact, I’ll take it as a personal challenge.
- Old belief: It won’t hurt to do it just once. New belief: It will hurt my trust in myself, which is more important to me than some momentary pleasure.
- Old belief: I need my ___ (cigarette, beer, meat, cheese, sweets). New belief: I don’t need it. It’s unnecessary and causing me harm.
- Old belief: I have a complicated emotional past with food and can’t do it. New belief: I can focus on the moment, instead of the past. I have the power to decide what goes in my mouth. It’s not complicated, it’s simple — one step at a time.
- Old belief: This makes me feel better (comforted, pleasured, joy, etc). New belief: It actually makes me feel worse. I don’t want to do that to myself. I’m going to love myself by doing things that are better for me.
These are only examples — there may be numerous other beliefs that you have about the issue of quitting. But you can’t change them if you don’t know they’re there. Pay attention to what you’re saying to yourself, examine your beliefs, and hold them lightly. They aren’t necessarily true — and in fact, they’re not necessarily true at all.
It’s just the scared child in you wanting to be comforted.
It’s just the scared child in you wanting to be comforted.
Author and Credits: Leo Babauta