What happens when our expectations, conscious or not, are unfulfilled? This is the source of the disappointment that expectations are famous for. What we do with that disappointment, determines how much pleasure we can have in the ensuing moments. If I created my expectation as a kind of unspoken pact with another person or the universe then I'm likely to feel cheated, angry and/or hurt. Things didn't work out the way I thought they would, so someone is to blame. What's important here is not to find out why things didn't go the way they "should" have and who is responsible for that. The real question is who decided that things should go a certain way and that any other way was unacceptable. We all know the answer to that one - It's 'we'.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
- Dennis Wholey
If my disappointment is in the actions, or non-actions, of other people then we have to recognize that there is another factor involved here as well. While expectation is very powerful, it is not as powerful as free will. We can't get people to do what we want with simple expectation. We might be able to manipulate them with shame, guilt, or bribes. But their free will always override any notions of expecting them to do something. The sanest way to deal with this is to give people permission to be who they are and to do what they do, just as we give ourselves permission to be who we are and to do what we do.
Another way to deal with unmet expectations is to reframe the experience. Suppose I expected to see a movie tonight but when I got to the theater I discovered that the movie had moved on. Besides feeling disappointed or angry, I could immediately look around for another pleasure. I could take this as a gift and look to see what else is playing or what other interesting, cool things might be around. Or I could just decide that being with myself would be the most pleasurable use of my time.
From an adventurer's standpoint letting go of most expectations is very helpful.. Specifically, letting go of the expectations of how anything will be experienced. If I am hiking in new territory, I'm there to experience what is there. I may have some specifics that I desire, sights I want to see, particular experiences that are appealing, questions answered. But I am most likely to enjoy my adventure by limiting my expectations to those general ones and learning more about something. In this frame of mind, disappointment easily melts away as learning always leaves room for surprises.
Author and Source: Stewart Blackburn