We only live once, so why not make the most of it?
If there is one need that is deeply anchored in people’s genetic makeup, it is the need to belong. As fetuses we are part of our mother’s body. As newborns, we sleep more soundly when we can feel her heartbeat. As children, we grow up in a pack. Many of us are taught early on that we must fit in with that pack if we don’t want to be seen as failures. From school projects, team sports, social activities and dating to job interviews and promotions, fitting in is a skill that remains central throughout our lives.
It is no wonder then that the mere words “Peer Pressure” fill us with dread, bringing to mind childhood games, teenage dilemmas, feelings of guilt and shame. Peer pressure is a concept we associate with children and young adults, but the truth is that it has a significant ongoing impact on people throughout their lives.
Sometimes we give in to peer pressure in major ways. How did so many people decide to join in the London riots? Although some people took to the streets intent on looting and violence, others took part in something ethically wrong, something they would not normally do, because being part of that mob somehow made it okay. Other major blows could involve purchasing a house or a car we cannot afford, getting married or having children at a time that is wrong for us, choosing a career we do not enjoy, all to please one or more people whose opinion we apparently value.
If there is one need that is deeply anchored in people’s genetic makeup, it is the need to belong. As fetuses we are part of our mother’s body. As newborns, we sleep more soundly when we can feel her heartbeat. As children, we grow up in a pack. Many of us are taught early on that we must fit in with that pack if we don’t want to be seen as failures. From school projects, team sports, social activities and dating to job interviews and promotions, fitting in is a skill that remains central throughout our lives.
It is no wonder then that the mere words “Peer Pressure” fill us with dread, bringing to mind childhood games, teenage dilemmas, feelings of guilt and shame. Peer pressure is a concept we associate with children and young adults, but the truth is that it has a significant ongoing impact on people throughout their lives.
Sometimes we give in to peer pressure in major ways. How did so many people decide to join in the London riots? Although some people took to the streets intent on looting and violence, others took part in something ethically wrong, something they would not normally do, because being part of that mob somehow made it okay. Other major blows could involve purchasing a house or a car we cannot afford, getting married or having children at a time that is wrong for us, choosing a career we do not enjoy, all to please one or more people whose opinion we apparently value.
Even if we are not victimized by peer pressure in obvious ways, the chances are we often yield to it in smaller ways: Perhaps by eating cake with our partner every evening, taking daily cigarette breaks with our work colleagues or ordering a second or third bottle of wine when out with friends. These decisions may seem minor in themselves, but they can become major because of their frequency. A person who regularly consumes fatty food could become obese, just as a heavy drinker could become an alcoholic. So no matter how small the effect of peer pressure may seem at first, it can often take huge proportions.
We can teach ourselves to withstand peer pressure the same way we taught ourselves to succumb to it growing up. The process requires time and effort, but a positive outcome is well worth the trouble. Here are a few tips on how to get started:
1. Recognize it
When and why do you succumb to peer pressure? In answering this question you must be methodical and honest with yourself. Think of all the choices you make that you are uncomfortable with and what leads you to make them. Could you ascribe them to peer pressure? If so, put them on your list.
2. Value it
What are your “bad” decisions costing you? For example, would you be healthier if you stopped giving in to peer pressure? Would you be more confident? Would you have more self-respect? Next to your list of bad choices, attach a price. And be ruthless: “I smoke with my friends, therefore I may die younger. That is the price of my decision. If I choose not to smoke I could add years to my life”. That way, the next time you make a choice you will know why. You will be smoking because you would rather smoke and die younger.
3. Visualize it
Your colleague asks you to pop to the bakery with her. You know that every time you go, you end up eating unhealthy pastries and sweets. Before you make your decision, visualize yourself as the healthy, fit person you will be if you give up your daily pastry fix. Picture yourself as the unhealthy and increasingly overweight person you will be if you continue indulging in this bad habit. Then make your decision.
Author and Credits: Natasha Pilides