Are you who people think you are? Or do you let them see only a persona carefully crafted for likeability? Do you tiptoe through life, saying and doing only what passes through your internal social acceptability filter?
Fear of social judgment wears many masks: shame, shyness, etiquette, prudence, perfectionism. Whatever form it comes in, its impact is to limit, to constrain, to constrict.
People who fear social judgment miss out on much of life. Across the room they see what could be the person of their dreams, but they don’t approach because of what a roomful of strangers might think if they’re rejected. By caring what these strangers think, they’re allowing people they’ll never see again to control their behavior.
Fear of social judgment also makes people think small. Accomplishing anything big is going to annoy some people, who will try to deter you. To really have an impact, you can’t let them get in your way.
Fear of social judgment wears many masks: shame, shyness, etiquette, prudence, perfectionism. Whatever form it comes in, its impact is to limit, to constrain, to constrict.
People who fear social judgment miss out on much of life. Across the room they see what could be the person of their dreams, but they don’t approach because of what a roomful of strangers might think if they’re rejected. By caring what these strangers think, they’re allowing people they’ll never see again to control their behavior.
Fear of social judgment also makes people think small. Accomplishing anything big is going to annoy some people, who will try to deter you. To really have an impact, you can’t let them get in your way.
Why are we so concerned about what others think of us? As with so much else, we inherited this trait from our ancestors. The ancient world that shaped your genes was one of small hunter-gatherer tribes.
Everyone in the tribe knew each other and built their lives together. Survival and reproduction were all that mattered, so people did whatever it took to stay alive and get the best mates they could. Status was pursued, authority was revered, and group cohesion trumped individuality, so fitting in and being liked were essential.
In that world, obsessing over every word and act was justified. Those who said or did the wrong thing could be ostracized from the group, which would be disastrous. Dreading public speaking, seeking approval from those with status, and tending to go along with the crowd are all ancestral relics.
In that world, obsessing over every word and act was justified. Those who said or did the wrong thing could be ostracized from the group, which would be disastrous. Dreading public speaking, seeking approval from those with status, and tending to go along with the crowd are all ancestral relics.
Author and Credits: Tom Murcko