Continued..Be Who you are - 1
The innate tendencies that served our ancestors so well do not serve us in our modern world. We can choose what tribes to belong to, and what roles to play in each. If we mess up with one group, it rarely affects our status in others. And we have far more potential romantic partners to choose from now than our ancestors did, and if we’re rejected by one it rarely affects our chances with others.
More importantly, while your brain is wired for survival and reproduction, you can choose to focus on other priorities. Survival is easy now, and reproduction is just one part of a well-lived life, to be weighed in the balance with other things you may choose to value, like happiness, meaning, beauty, or justice. Focusing on other values may help you worry less about what other people think.
When you stop trying to impress others, you can express your true self more fully and connect with people, more genuinely, openly, intimately. The less time and energy you spend on image management, on making your life presentable to others, the more time you can spend on things that really matter.
How can you stop worrying about what people think of you?
More importantly, while your brain is wired for survival and reproduction, you can choose to focus on other priorities. Survival is easy now, and reproduction is just one part of a well-lived life, to be weighed in the balance with other things you may choose to value, like happiness, meaning, beauty, or justice. Focusing on other values may help you worry less about what other people think.
When you stop trying to impress others, you can express your true self more fully and connect with people, more genuinely, openly, intimately. The less time and energy you spend on image management, on making your life presentable to others, the more time you can spend on things that really matter.
How can you stop worrying about what people think of you?
Bring awareness to how your decisions are currently affected by what others will think of you.
Be unswayed by social pressure, unaffected by criticism, immune to embarrassment. And take fewer things personally. We’re biased toward sensitivity to criticism, insult, and rejection. And when these biases affect our behavior, we cede our power to others.
Don’t look to others for guidance on how to behave. And don’t wait for permission from others. It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Don’t be needy. If you don’t need anything, you don’t have a reason to try to impress people.
Be authentic. Have the courage to allow people to see the real you. Be willing to be judged, and even encourage it. It’s good for self-knowledge and for developing thick skin. As you become and express your best self, others will think great things about you, and the few that don’t won’t matter anyway. If all this is too extreme for you, start by taking small steps.
Expect it to be hard, and show yourself some compassion; you’re swimming against ancient currents thousands of generations old. Rather than not caring at all what others think of you, start by just caring less. Be open to what they think and feel, and consider their opinions, but decide for yourself how to act. Care what the important people in your life think, but only those whose opinions you value. Strangers should not get a vote in how you live your life.
Author and Credits: Tom Murcko